Verse 1
A long, long time ago
I went off to med school
In the hopes to be a doc someday
A joke in class we thought was swell
Divides our class in thirds as well
And I think that it is true enough to tell
A third make researchers—I think that’s funny
A third make teachers, a third make money
I am in the last group—I’m proud to be in that troop
I’m seeing patients every day
‘Cuz that’s the way I earn my pay
Wouldn’t have it any other way—a private practice guy
Refrain
(Now I’m singing)
My, my rheumatology guy
Running clinic by the minute while the time’s flying by
The market’s low and my stocks running dry, I’ll be
Working ‘til the day that I die, working ‘til the day that I die…
Verse 2
I went and spoke to ARA
The largest practice, that’s what they say
Where the practice offers everything
With X-ray, DXA and a lab
There’s nothing these folks didn’t have
So the salary would probably be fine
They even have a research crew, to offer patients something new
Trying out unknown drugs, working out the bad bugs
So I signed upon the dotted line
And prayed that all would turn out fine
Then job security was mine, a private practice guy
Refrain
(Now I’m singing)
My, my rheumatology guy
Running clinic by the minute while the time’s flying by
The market’s low and my stocks running dry, I’ll be
Working ‘til the day that I die, working ‘til the day that I die…
Verse 3
This line of work requires me
To study terminology
I’d never really learned before
PQRIs and CPTs,
E&Ms and ICDs
Are more important now then when I trained
The alphabet is currency
Determines what is paid to me
The scrabble game is key, to placate companies—‘Cuz
Remuneration for your work,
Is metered out by some poor clerk,
Who’s purpose is to drive bezerk—the private practice guy
Refrain
(Yet I’m still singing)
My, my rheumatology guy
Running clinic by the minute while the time’s flying by
The market’s low and my stocks running dry, I’ll be
Working ‘til the day that I die, working ‘til the day that I die…
Verse 4
The Top Insurance CEOs
Will never have economic woes
As they take more than they wish to give
It’s easier to simply say
This is a test they just won’t pay
Or a service that the sufferers don’t need
The shadow reader turns a buck
While a patient seer’s out of luck
Without the films and blood, our bottom line is mud—‘Cuz
Insurance groups will fund the blade
But thinking docs just won’t get paid
And I thought I had had it made—the private practice guy
Refrain
(I go on singing)
My, my rheumatology guy
Running clinic by the minute while the time’s flying by
The market’s low and my stocks running dry, I’ll be
Working ‘til the day that I die, working ‘til the day that I die…
Verse 5
Now I start my spots at eight
By 8:15, I’m running late
As I wait for X-ray techs
to come
It doesn’t matter, for it’s known
I’ll get behind all on my own
I don’t need help to have it go this way
The patients want to talk about
The joint pains that have put them out
I’ll make a witty quick pun, and move on to the next one
My energy they should not drain
So I’ll give drugs to ease the pain
Or chemicals to numb the brain—a private practice guy
Refrain
(‘Cuz I’m singing)
My, my rheumatology guy
Running clinic by the minute while the time’s flying by
The market’s low and my stocks running dry, I’ll be
Working ‘til the day that I die, working ‘til the day that I die…
Verse 6
I still trudge on with all my might
Like Cervantes’ errant knight
Against the mill of managed care.
As I believe I’m doing right,
To ease the limbs that ache all night
And aid the joints that won’t move in the day
But I think I should earn a keep
And benefits I ought to reap
There is no shame in earning a living you’re deserving
If making money is the sin
I’ll face the facts—I’ll never win
I’ll guess I’ll hawk “the vitamin”—a private practice guy
Refrain
(I’ll still be singing-)
My, my rheumatology guy
Running clinic by the minute while the time’s flying by
The market’s low and my stocks running dry, I’ll be
Working ‘til the day that I die.
Dr. DeMarco is Clinical Associate Professor of Medicine at Georgetown University School of Medicine and a partner at Arthritis and Rheumatism Associates, both in Washington, D.C.