“The degree of disclosure between the physician and staff member is generally dependent upon the relationship between the two individuals, as well as the nature of the difficulty,” Dr. Sansone says. “Closer work relationships may warrant a bit more disclosure, whereas sensitive problems may warrant a bit less disclosure. Most often, staff will not pressure the physician into disclosure; simply acknowledging that there is a personal problem is usually sufficient.”
Dr. Raymond notes that sharing feelings about an issue rather than the content of the issue has a calming effect. “Sharing negative feelings increases bonding, as well as a sense of camaraderie and safety,” she says. “It can make the doctor feel more supported. That takes the pressure off of having to pretend to be Superman or Superwoman.”
In particular, in Singer’s experience, some women doctors have felt pressure from women staff members to be their friends and confide in them. “Keep in mind that you can be friendly with anyone you supervise, but be careful about engaging in intimate conversations with them,” she says.
If someone at work pries about your personal life, Singer suggests you say, “Thanks for asking,” but be clear on your boundaries during the conversation. “If you wear issues on your sleeve, you’ll lose professional presence,” she says.
Dr. Chabra views his co-workers as his family outside of the home. “If your face shows that something isn’t right, you should acknowledge any inquiring staff member and thank him or her for having an interest in you,” he says. “However, it is not appropriate to share the full details [because] it may interfere with the relationship. It’s OK to answer in general terms, but be succinct. If it’s something you don’t want to share, simply acknowledge a colleague’s concern.”
‘If you wear issues on your sleeve, you’ll lose professional presence.’ —Donna Singer
Fielding Questions from Patients
So what if a patient asks the doctor how he or she is doing? How much information is appropriate to share in this scenario? Unlike work relationships, where there is more emotional balance in the relationship between the individuals, patient relationships are emotionally balanced toward the patient. “Most patients do not have deeply personal relationships with their physicians, so a brief, but polite, and vague response is usually sufficient (e.g., ‘I’ve seen sunnier days’),” Dr. Sansone says. “For patients who happen to be close friends or relatives (which are always more complicated relationships and not advised), a simple redirective response may be useful, such as, ‘Perhaps some day after work we can chat about this—it’s too much to go into now.’”
